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For years now I've been an avid reader of VIZ,I don't know if this is a reflection on me or my sense of humour but the "Top Tips" section has always been a favourite of mine.I don't know what a shrink would make of this but who gives a toss,I think they're funny!
A small tree standing in the corner of the room decorated with coloured lights, tinsel and baubles makes an ideal Christmas decoration.
As a smoker,I find it helps to buy a new packet of cigarettes while I still have a couple left in my old packet,this way when one packet runs out I'm always sure to have another packet handy.
Try painting a red cross at the bottom of tea cups,when this becomes visible your cup will be empty and you may wish to have a refill.
When going to the toilet, I find it much easier and more pleasant if I remove both my trousers and my underpants before sitting down.
If you foul the air in someone elses bathroom disguise the smell by lighting a match and setting fire to the handtowel.
Housewives - I find that the best way to get two bottles of washing up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
Pressing the middle pedal in my car helps me to slow down when approaching busy junctions or built up areas.
I always find it helpful to unfasten the zip at the front of my trousers before urinating
Having trouble with obscene phone callers? simply install an answering machine - and don't bother switching it on.
Avoid the unneccesary expense of buying clay pidgeons by shooting real ones.
As adverts on TV tell us not to turn on lights if you smell gas. I find it useful to always have a candle ready for use in such emergencies.
Old unwanted telephone directorys make ideal personal address books, simply cross out the names and addresses of all the people you do not know.
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